forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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