"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
