she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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