Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
