Yo dont text me then not text me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
