New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
