One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
