you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
