my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
