Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
