so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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