Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
