And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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