she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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