And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
