I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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