Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
