you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just pee around me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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