if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
