Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
