WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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