I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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