Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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