its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
