I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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