ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
