It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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