apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
