I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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