I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
