have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
