she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
