I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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