I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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