it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
