hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
