i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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