how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dick very happy bro
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
