So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
