I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
