I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize