I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if only i could text you this smell
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
