I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
