I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
