Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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