marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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