He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
