Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
