im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
