I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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