so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
