She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
