I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
