I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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