sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
