I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
