This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
