You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
