Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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