The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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