Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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