I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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