too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
