"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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