new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
