his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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