you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
