My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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