Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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