did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
