i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
