Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize