Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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