i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
