my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
